my soul wont recognize me after tonight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
