fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sorry about my life...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
