I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
