New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
