we made out on top of his cat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize