I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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