I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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