Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
