Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
