I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
