i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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