i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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