I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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