Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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