Already got asked if we're dating
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
