Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize