i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize