i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
