It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
