I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
