It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
