Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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