the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
