ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
