R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
