I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
