My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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