I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Screwed.edu
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
