they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
