I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
