oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
