How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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