I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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