My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Enjoy the penises
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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