$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
