He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
