worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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