Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize