just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
