I never want to see another naked old woman again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
