the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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