We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
