She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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