You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
