TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize