I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
