every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
