He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
