hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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