Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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