i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
