You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
