how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're a waste of cheezeits
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
