I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
