There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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