just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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