so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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