You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You've changed since you got that strap on
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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