My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
