He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just invented taco cereal.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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