but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
