Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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