okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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