she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
