Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I lost the right to judge tonight
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
