Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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